You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
