she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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