So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
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