Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
