I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
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