I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Randomize
