It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
