By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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