Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
