i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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