I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
