grandma shit on top of the toilet
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
