I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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