'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize