somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
