I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize