That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
