Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
