I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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