oh god the rape fog is back!
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
