I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
