So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
