Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Randomize