Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
