At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
