You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
