I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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