wakey wakey hands off snakey
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
