I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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