You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
