Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
