Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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