What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
