i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Found your dick twin last night
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
