I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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