The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
