You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
