If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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