He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize