I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
