I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
