Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
