I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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