I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
