just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
