I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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