and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
