My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
it hurts more in the daytime
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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