I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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