i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
