I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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