i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Randomize
