Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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