I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
