can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
