I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
