ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
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