I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Randomize