so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
