New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
