Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
We named our party play list daddy issues
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
