Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
