i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
