I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
My bed is full of blood and feathers
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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