to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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