New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
