Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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