thus making me awesome and them whores
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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