the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Never underestimate the power of titties
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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