I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize