Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Randomize
